Savage Purge

by Carol Hodge

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H.L.
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H.L. Each year the same story: My wife (handmade pop music) and I (black metal maniac) go on holiday. We need some "soft" but honest music for long car drives. It is a tough week in advance to dive deeply into musical scrap to find some pearls like CAROL HODGE! Her distinctive, haunting and soulful voice is the biggest asset, even simple songs like "Stopped believing in you" become hits because of her intensive vocal performance. Check "Magic Bullet" or "In case of emergency!! Favorite track: Magic Bullet.
finlaysdad
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finlaysdad Sheer class this album. Deserves a wider audience so buy it! Favorite track: Virtue Signals.
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1.
Get into the car like clockwork Try not to overthink each turn And there can only be one destination But so many routes, so many things to learn And the last time I got so burned I still feel the heat around me like a fire But if I’ve just one life to live And I know I’ll die alone Then just stop worrying baby And go and make it all on your own The sun beats down like another country But my heart don’t know its name And I’m so used to this separation That I can’t remember any other way And the next time Will it be worth The pain that I go through to make it work But if I’ve just one life to live And I know I’ll die alone Then just stop worrying baby And go and make it all on your own The acid reflux of my future road Sits burning in my mouth The terror of another wasted year Well it leaves me with no doubt But if I’ve just one life to live And I know I’ll die alone Then just stop worrying baby Then just stop worrying baby Yeah just stop worrying baby And go and do it all on your own
2.
Every rolling stone’s Got to make its own journey Sentiment so thick The clay’s starting to crack I’m feeling scared and tired Of all the people who claim to know me But when I fall down Who’s got my back I count up all my friends And I know that I have volumes I know I’m loved and liked But I’m losing the light The terror of this life Has blown my mind wide open You can see from the shore That I’m not wired right Murder never looked so sweet Waving not drowning but don’t skip a beat We saw the ripples but we missed the signs I guess I couldn’t be there every time Out here in the dark My mind is so lonely Bottom of the funnel My thoughts slide and smash I wish I could rationalise But the pain is so cloudy I can hear your voice But can’t answer back Murder never looked so sweet Waving not drowning but don’t skip a beat We saw the ripples but we missed the signs I guess I couldn’t be there every time Instrumental Murder never looked so sweet Waving not drowning but don’t skip a beat We saw the ripples but we missed the signs I guess I couldn’t be there every time We saw the ripples but we missed the signs I guess I couldn’t be there every time I guess I couldn’t be there every time
3.
Hitherto my ego Was commander in chief And ran a daily brain and body Disintegration brief But I realised That maybe this Was wasting time and energy So I took the seat and overthrew the previous me I love me And there’s nobody else I’d rather be Even if it means I have to put up with minimum 60 percent misery I still love me Been loathing myself For so long that it’s bad for my health So I opted to get in touch with me And I will not apologise Cause feeling fine should be the bottom line The way I treat me shapes all that I see Been trying to climb To the higher limbs of the tree The branches of magic Of self evolution, self efficacy But I still feel That there must be A middle ground that I just can’t see The way I treat me shapes all that I see Been loathing myself For so long that it’s bad for my health So I opted to get in touch with me And I will not apologise Cause feeling fine should be the bottom line The way I treat me shapes all that I see
4.
The first time it landed It felt like a kiss Your frustration was the king Over my emptiness I didn’t mean to say those things I’m sorry I got it wrong But when the words keep changing it gets hard To sing your song You break me In case of emergency The second time it landed My colours turned to greys My conviction faded but My conscience made me stay I didn’t mean to hear those things The error is all mine But I don’t understand why this happens Time after time You break me In case of emergency You break me In case of emergency You break the glass Destroy our future with your past And now it’s long gone The third time it landed It came as no surprise My back had turned, my insides churned The light had gone from my eyes We made a commitment so I guess I’m staying here Only women bleed indeed You’ve simply no idea You break me In case of emergency The glass shatters all The glass shatters all
5.
Magic Bullet 03:07
I want a magic bullet It’s the only solution that’s going to work for me I’ve tried all other options And I can’t seem to find the right remedy I’ve scoured the planet I’ve played it my way I can’t find a thing that will satisfy me What if all I’m looking for Is not the key to it What if all the things that I explore Are fundamental shit I fear I’ll never find The key to satisfaction in my life My square peg’s edges have rounded off But this dog’s still in the fight Paint the smile on Swallow the woe A chemical fill for a God-shaped hole In this soul searching Mind melting Body aching Heart breaking world I want a magic bullet It’s the only solution that’s going to work for me I’ve tried all other options And I can’t seem to find the right remedy
6.
Please send me someone Send me anyone who’ll see How to help me through this moment now Cause I can’t wait til tomorrow I need some instant gratification I have found that without it My sorrow gets this magnification And I don’t mean to moan about My mental state And I always recognise The good things on my plate But sometimes I just need An instant change to help me To sweep me off my feet And help me remember there’s Something in this world Something that’s worthwhile Something I can smile about And there’s A million reasons why My brain will fuck me dry But I see the light And it’s still there for me I vaguely remember the last time This happened to me I can’t remember the first time But I know I was in single figures then And buying that bottle of prosecco From the shop earlier It didn’t help my mental state But it made a nice barrier I guess it’s about finding what works for you On a day to day basis And nothing is perfect Something in this world Something that’s worthwhile Something I can smile about And there’s A million reasons why I should still survive I should push and carry on Tonight
7.
Semi Colon 03:20
There’s a semi colon drawn on my heart And its weight gets thicker by the day Rising falling for you In every way It was never my intention To marry with the night But a heaviness surrounds me And I get lost in the world behind my eyes I plan to be bigger than me But I’m tired being something that I’m not The world is just A great big compromise And only you decide to do or die There are no awards For trying to survive So be kind, cause we all have our fights Know that some day This all will go away The time was never really ours to waste
8.
Facing up to the truth Is the hardest thing to do So I left it at the bottom of my to do list Every day when I wake There’s a lot of pills to take And then I am readyish to make my way I’ll admit that I was wrong If it wins me more aplomb The virtue signals Smoke filled wafting through my brain And the virtual world Helps me reset for the pain The pain of being awake As I walk through this life Trying hard to do what’s right I can feel the cynicism rising up inside Will I stand, will I fight Will I work to change my life Or will I go back to bed and share that meme I’ll admit that I was wrong If you can disprove my source The pain was always ours to share A hundred million souls despair Give us purpose, give us hope You treat our future like a joke A dream from which you profit large We’re dying because you’re in charge But no-one has the energy We’re denizens of apathy So I’ll try to believe that the future is for me And I’ll grab it with both hands if it comes close enough I won’t kick, I won’t scream I’ll just lay back here and dream Of a world where somebody else saves the day I’ll admit that I was wrong If you’ll like and share my song
9.
There are cracks in my brain That’s where the light gets in And the alcohol weaves Dark stitches over them But there’s Nothing I can’t Do Since I Stopped believing in you There’s a shake in my hand Betrays my inner state So I’m calming my nerves The challenge of my fate And there’s a voice in my heart calls The greatest sensation is when you know that you’ve got nothing left at all And I’m waiting for my moment to fall And I’m not scared at all So I’m setting some goals With cheerless finish lines And I’d like to feel stillness, contentment and pride And I feel I can do all this with love on my side And I’m filled with a gratitude that keeps me alive
10.
I’m really not that beautiful I’m really rather plain I’ve hit the age at which the physical goes down the drain I used to watch reflections Used to pose on pedestals But now I’m in the back of photographs Cause I know the rules If you’re young and you’re slim then just keep on swimming Cause one day gravity wins If you’ve air in your lungs then you must keep singing Cause one day gravity wins What I misread as cynicism Translates into pain I only carry on because I need this for my own brain I see with quiet horror What the future will entail And though I might stop kicking You can’t silence my exhale If you’re cool and you’re calm then just keep on swinging Cause one day gravity wins If you know your own mind then just keep on clinging Cause one day gravity wins I watch with clouded avarice As youth escapes my grip But I won’t stop caring passionately For the young and hip I once was at the vanguard But it’s now my turn to steer I’ll listen and I’ll learn Rather than give up and disappear And we’re all going to fall prey to it There is no way to escape its grip So fall from grace with me

about

The second studio album from Carol Hodge, available as a pre-official release download, exclusively on Bandcamp for 48 hours on a pay-as-you-feel basis

credits

released March 19, 2020

All music and lyric by Carol Hodge, copyright 2019

Recorded at Casa Del Hodge, Huddersfield and Tower Studios, Pershore in October 2019

Produced and Mastered by Dave Draper

Carol Hodge - Vocals, BVs, piano, MIDI instruments
Dave Draper - Guitars, bass, drums

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about

Carol Hodge Huddersfield, UK

Carol Hodge is a seven-fingered, piano-pounding, Yorkshire-dwelling Singer-Songwriter. Think Regina Spektor meets Billy Bragg, but with fewer digits and a continuous existential crisis, sandwiched between bitter irony and relentless optimism. You won’t know whether to laugh or cry, but will definitely feel something.
Long-term collaborator with Steve Ignorant (CRASS); keys for Ryan Hamilton.
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